Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
