I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize