Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
