we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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