so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
