his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
