If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
