If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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