Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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