What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
