That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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