Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
