You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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