On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
