dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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