If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
