Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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