Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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