my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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