I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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