dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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