She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
