Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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