i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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