I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think I won the penis lottery.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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