so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
