I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I need to calm my uterus...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
