im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
