porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize