I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
