do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
