Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
