You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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