my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Less talking, more tequila
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
