i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
