So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dicks are not precious.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
