We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
