His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
