matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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