I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
