Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
