Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize