why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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