Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
