i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
