I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Ketchup is God's man juice
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
