is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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