Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
