if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
