You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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