marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
