ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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