I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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