I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
