The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
