dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
