I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
