STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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