just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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