I'm lost and stupid without you.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
