I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
