Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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