I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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