"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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