You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
