I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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