i think my tv is drunk
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
