It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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