I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
