just come out here and I will go home with you...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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