all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
