he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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