I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
