i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
