I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
