The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
