So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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