i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
