An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
