he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I miss vodka workout Fridays
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
