Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
