i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
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