Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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