Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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